A Change of Heart

Hello beautiful people, wonderful readers, and loyal followers. I simply want to begin by saying how grateful I am that you are still here and read my blog at least once a month. I appreciate the support and the awesome private messages that I receive. I had originally written a different blog post about expectant mothers dealing with placenta previa, but there is another maternal topic that also weighs heavily on my heart. We’ll get to that in one moment.

Wow, how many things have happened in the world and current events. We have the coronavirus, the loss of incredible family members (speaking of the Kobe Bryant’s helicopter crash where all nine passengers died), and so many issues with our government and many other important situations. It has been rather difficult for me to clear my mind and write out an outline and stick to it. So what I am going to do? Just write, no plan, no outline, no concept or writing techniques, but just write. Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing this because these are things that interfere with my thinking, my comfort, and my creativity.

So here we are! Almost a year later and we will soon be celebrating our previa baby’s first birthday! I cannot believe it. I remember her being in my belly like it was just yesterday. During my pregnancy, I was always so worried that my sweet girl wasn’t going to make it (as in being born). And if you know me, I don’t get scared easily. I’m always a positive and an optimistic person. The topic I wanted to share with you all is this: When my husband and I were presented with my last pregnancy being “high risk,” we had both decided that our goal was to have our baby girl delivered safely and hoped for a healthy baby and that we were DONE having babies. Now that all the scary things have passed…guess what? My husband wants to talk about having ANOTHER baby and this time he is specifically hoping to get a boy. What? What the what?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my husband wants another child and he wants a son! I asked him this question, “How would you feel if we ended up with a third baby girl?” He said, “It is, what is it, and I’d be okay with it.” But NOT me! First, I went from, “I want to have a son one day”. Second, maybe after Elena, (our previa baby) maybe we can “try again” for a boy. To today, “I really DO NOT” want to have another baby. I’ve had a change of heart guys. I do not want a third baby. I wanted a son, but not anymore. I’m done with having babies. I feel we have concluded our family. Now, if we end up having another baby, then there’s that and I would be happy, of course hoping for a boy and end up as a family of 5. I remember years ago when I was in college I wanted to have a big, big family. Unfortunately, I’m no spring chicken anymore and trying to have another baby after 37 years old doesn’t sound like fun to me. I want to concentrate on our two amazing girls. My husband is not giving up and says we could look at ways to make sure we end up with a boy and different methods such as IVF even though nothing is 100% guaranteed. He’s the one that likes to live dangerously. I am NOT!

How did you know you were done having babies? Some people just do it their way, no planning, just go for it. I’m scared. I’m mortified. What if I have to go through high-risk pregnancy again? There could be many different outcomes. I just can’t wrap my brain on having another baby right now. I’m done and my sweet husband wants a son. Sheesh! This is a difficult position to be in, but my husband and I do a great job of communicating well with one another. I told you there would be no structure to this writing, ha-ha. I just needed to get that off my chest and share it here with you guys. What did you do when you knew you were done having babies (vasectomy, hysterectomy, etc.)? Or did you get a surprise? How did you handle the situation if there was a difference in opinion? Do you struggle with accepting it’s the end? I love my family and I love my husband. I don’t know what will happen to the “accepting that I am done having babies”, but for now, we’re going to enjoy celebrating the greatest milestone, Elena’s first birthday. Thank you for reading and for allowing me to share my journey. Have a lovely day.

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