My Thoughts After a Second Child

Here we are -getting ready for all hallows eve. This month I wanted to write about what life’s been like for me now that we’ve had our sweet girl home with us for almost 8 months now. Boy, do I have some thoughts now that we have a second child. I thought I’d share my moments along with other parents’ experiences.

The very FIRST noticeable thing, as the parents of a toddler; the toddler reverted to acting like a baby. Super cute, right? Well, yea to a certain extent, but who wants two babies? Not I. Olivia immediately became an outstanding big sister. She is so independent, helpful, and loving. There are times she requires a bit more attention. Olivia is a sharp three-year old. Sometimes she wants to be fed baby food (really it’s just to try it and see if she likes it ha-ha). She wants to be tucked in like a baby at night. There are some days when she wants to be held or loved on more often. It’s a lot of work, but it’s so awesome. I love it. Honestly, there are good days and there are bad days. As parents of two, we quickly built a bond with each other. Speaking of bonding, let’s not forget mom and dad also need time to bond. My husband and I have had a few date nights (so nice). We’ve had an incredible time and also stressful time getting acclimated in our new city, new home as a new family. Totally worth it, if you ask me. So much love! We have a new routine. The hubs takes care of certain duties and I’m all for both girls spending equal time with their Dada and me.

In general, we’re all just winging it (truthfully) and it’s something we work on daily. After the journey of getting Elena home, I realized I don’t need to worry anymore (at least not as much). I still have anxieties here and there, but I’m learning on how to take care of them. Since I work from home, I have a designated schedule and I make sure to spend equal time with both girls. There are times, I do something special with my toddler like do our nails or watch a movie together just me and her. I think it’s worked quite well. Let me tell you that no matter how much I thought about having a second child or prepped for baby number two, nothing prepares you for the unspoken stresses that come along with expanding a family.

It’s safe to say bigger family, a bigger house, a bigger car, the more income you have to bring in. So here’s where the universe gets you for something you might have done wrong in your life or as a child and BAM! You get hit with something unexpected (I’m kidding, but not kidding). For example, you are getting comfortable with life and all of a sudden you need, I don’t know? Something like a new washer or something more or less dramatic depending on your situation. But the point is you never see these things coming and you have to understand that these financial surprises seem to happen more so now that you’re a bigger family. I think they’re more noticeable hence more responsibility, so, SURPRISE! (Coincidence? I think not!)

At large, these last few months have made me realize a few more things. Most recently, I couldn’t believe my firstborn is going to be four years old next year. She will soon be in school next fall. I feel like I remember her being born just yesterday. I remember other parents telling me, “enjoy these little moments right now that she’s so small, because it’ll be gone before you know it.” (Ugh, I hate that they were so right, but that’s life). So with that said, I’m making sure I fuel myself up with Elena as much as possible right now that she’s a baby. I make sure to enjoy all the little moments. Make note “Enjoy all the beautiful moments no matter how small they seem.” I have been there for all of them and I am so grateful. She’s a strong and healthy baby now. She’s crawling and trying to stand up at the moment. I can’t believe that at several parts of our journey in the past; I really thought she wasn’t going to make it. I had other parents share, “I love my first child so much that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to love my second child the same way I love my first, with that same unconditional love.” I had some pretty funny comments from other moms saying, “your second child will for sure be the terror child ha-ha.” “You’re not going to care about people’s opinions as much.” I had an amazing mom share a wonderful moment with me and told me that kids aren’t going to remember a clean playroom or living room; they’ll remember the special moments in a fort or storytime, etc. (I completely agree). Well, I’m here to tell you that love won’t be the same. Your love gets even bigger and you love both kiddos equally, also in different ways. You’ll LOVE all your children unconditionally.

Onto something else here…let’s talk about their personalities. No two children are ever alike. Both my girls are completely different. I quickly learned not to compare. I learned to adjust to their different needs and how certain things the little one does that the toddler never used to do. I think it’s so funny. For some reason that Forrest Gump phrase popped into my head, “Life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.” This may not be a comprehensive list of things you’re going to experience after having a second child because guess what? What I experience with my two children is something you may never come across. Something new you will experience maybe something I’ll never encounter. I read so many things about baby number two and so much of what I read was way off.

Overall, there are certain things parents will become involved with being a parent of two, which are the most obvious. Adjusting to life in a new place with a bigger family has been so much fun. It has made me peel layers of our existence that have made us so much stronger and much more aware of what is most important in life. You’ll adapt to a new schedule, nap times, feeding times, etc. We now have to plan certain things, ahead of time. You learn to become more patient. You quickly know (or not) whether you want to have a third child or not ha-ha. Things are amazingly different, but the one on one moments are unforgettable with your children. In life there’s nothing we can do to stop time; we simply just live it and experience it. At the end of the day, love your loved ones. Enjoy all the little moments, and learn from each other. You’ve only got each other. Now, this mama is tired and I’m going to bed. Goodnight to all!

Jack-o-lanterns 2019

Interview with Tina: One mom’s journey surviving placenta previa

Over the years I’ve connected with many moms. I’ve made many friends and I’ve learned a great deal. Before I became a mother, I felt I understood how much a woman goes through post-pregnancy. I will say you won’t fully experience it until you have kids yourself or at least have helped raise them. There’s a lot women have to go through physically, mentally, and emotionally when they’re preparing for a birth. I created my blog as a source of information and to some degree, educating fellow moms-to-be if they’re dealing with this condition. I have to admit I feel men also definitely go through their phases of fatherhood, but that topic is for a different day. Since I’ve had my daughters and even during my pregnancies, I’ve witnessed many situations where women struggle to conceive or to even have a happy pregnancy. My first pregnancy was the best. My second was the complete opposite and I mean the complete opposite.

I’ve come across cases with happy endings as well as sad endings. Recently I had the pleasure of connecting with a mom from Missouri. Her name is Tina. She has a son named Parker, and he is 4 months old. Many of us go through similar paths, but many moms go through a lot more, and some less. Tina had to go through IVF to conceive. I had the privilege to ask her a few questions about her pregnancy journey and I’m glad to share it with you all. Parker was in the NICU for 3 weeks when he was born. Mom and baby are now doing incredibly well. Here are the things that we talked about.

Hi, Tina! Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to answer a few questions about your pregnancy journey.

Gloria: Who was your biggest supporter or your support system during your pregnancy?

Tina: “My husband for sure. I have no idea what I would have done without him. He was my rock the whole time.”

Gloria: That’s how I felt too, minus the body issues of course, that men just don’t understand ha-ha. Now, what would you say was a positive from this experience?

Tina: “The positive is that the whole infertility, high-risk pregnancy, and NICU stay brought my husband and I closer together. It also ended with us having our perfect, beautiful boy! I know we can make it through anything after surviving all of that. The negative was just the depression that comes along with all those things as well. The rollercoaster of the ups, downs, and unknowns.”

Gloria: Aww, that’s beautiful. I’m glad. Thank you for sharing that. So what did you do to destress during your pregnancy?

Tina: “Originally, it was exercise but then when I couldn’t exercise anymore, due to the placenta previa, I turned to meditation and counseling. I’m a firm believer in mental health!”

Gloria: I completely understand! I’m right there with you. Now, what would you say was the one thing you wish you knew about pregnancy that you didn’t know before?

Tina: “I wish I would have known more about breastfeeding honestly. The difficulty of it, the correct way to pump when your baby is in the NICU, and difficulties with latch/swallow.”

Gloria: I one hundred percent completely agree. Before I had my first daughter, I read a couple of books on pregnancy and breastfeeding, but nothing prepared me for that. Olivia was born with tongue-tie and that was a whole other situation I had to learn about the hard way. Anyhow, how did you come to peace with the parts you couldn’t control?

Tina: “The coming to peace part was hard. It was really hard because I felt like I was being punished in some weird way, having trouble conceiving, having placenta Previa, and then a NICU baby. I honestly think the peace came at the very end when we were home, and I was holding my son in my arms and realized what warriors women are and things were going to be okay.”

Gloria: It’s difficult. Our bodies and mind take a toll. Not only that, but we have hormones to deal with, which we have no control of. Okay, so as you were preparing for your pregnancy, did you have a birth plan?

Tina: “Haha, I did have a birth plan of doing a natural birth, in the natural birthing center, at the hospital but due to Placenta Previa, I had to have a c-section at 37 weeks.”

Gloria: I cried over my situation. I knew right away, I couldn’t have “my birth plan” with Elena due to the placenta previa as well. But in the end, I just wanted us both to be okay. Next question, after having gone through all of this, what would you say was the most difficult part of your pregnancy journey?

Tina: “The most difficult part was the light-duty/bed rest part of Placenta Previa and honestly the pelvic rest! My hormones made my libido crazy high and I had no idea Pelvic rest also meant no orgasms….for 20 weeks plus the 6 weeks post-baby. I’m also such a busy body, that resting made me stir crazy! Tough stuff!”

Gloria: Ugh! Yes, I remember all that myself too. Having experienced it all, is there anything you’d like to tell or would like to share with an expectant mother?

Tina: “I would say, it’s okay to be sad and frustrated because things are difficult and you’re tired. I felt like such a failure ever complaining about how difficult things were but come to find out all mothers feel that way. Other women and moms are the best support system! “

Gloria: Yea for sure. I agree. I remember still breaking down on the first day just visiting Elena in the NICU, but I looked around and I wasn’t alone. I felt the love from the nurses and the other moms’ support. Thank you for that Tina. Okay, was there a question you got asked often that really annoyed you during your pregnancy or action even?

Tina: “Not a question per se but just people who would touch my stomach without asking. That happened all the time.”

Gloria: It’s so funny that you say that. For me, it was almost like a tradition, culturally growing up to do that. It’s well-intentioned & yes, we even did it to strangers (oops)! It’s just a way of saying, “Hey, soon to be mom. I see you. Good-Luck & now I’m going to touch your baby bump without asking & without your permission so that everything turns out fine.” Eh, Hispanic myth I guess. Is that weird? Ha-ha, don’t answer that. Alright, what did you like most about your journey? Or is there something you (or don’t) miss the most about pregnancy?

Tina: “The things I miss most about being pregnant is feeling the kicks and movements, I’ll miss that forever. Oh, and all the naps/sleep. I would kill for a nap now. Other than that I don’t miss much about it. Being pregnant was tough!”

Gloria: Yea. It was tough. We need to bring awareness of previa, IVF, maternal mental health, postpartum, etc, into the world. I want to thank you, Tina, for this opportunity. I hope many moms or soon to be moms have taken something from this and cherish it.

There you have it, ladies & gentlemen. A mother’s journey into motherhood. All the difficult phases we have to surpass to get our little bundles of joy just to be with us. It is all completely worth it. I hope you enjoyed reading and understand that we all go through a completely different experience. If you’re pregnant, it’s easier said than done, but enjoy every minute of it and stay positive. Remember to reach out if you ever need support. Thank you.

Tina & her beautiful family, 2019

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20 Most Common Questions about Placenta Previa

So, after my first big scare (which was also my biggest bleed at 6 weeks) I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what placenta previa was or what to think about it. The first thing the doctor told me in the ER was “…don’t worry about it. These things usually clear up on their own, it will be fine. Just give it sometime.” Needless to say, mine did not clear and I did not enjoy my second pregnancy at all. I was mortified thinking that for so many crazy reasons, I was not going to make it (meaning I didn’t think my baby was going to make it). There are cases where mom, baby or both don’t make it, but it is a very small “small” percentage. Mind you, I’m a very healthy person, super positive, and totally open-minded. I AM so glad I was completely wrong for having those thoughts. On March 8th, 2019 Elena Rose was born Via C-section (vertical incision). I will share more about our journey as the months unfold. For now, if you have concerns, I have compiled the 20 Most common questions about placenta previa from expectant mothers. Many of these questions are things many of us didn’t think to ask until after the fact. Please be aware, many of these questions will not apply to everyone! Everyone has a different health background and different struggles. These questions are not in any particular order or level of importance. Several of these questions would have been helpful to me as I was going through my own p.p. journey. Another word of advice, is whomever your doctor is, please make sure that you feel 100% comfortable with them as they are an important part of your journey. I would encourage you to find out how many cases of previa he’s had or simply see how comfortable he is with your pregnancy. Seems pretty silly to ask, but one of my motto’s in life is “It doesn’t hurt to ask.” Talk to other nurses or get second opinions if you feel it’s necessary. As I have mentioned before, I was so lucky to have had the best doctors in my county. I remember all the people mentioning how great these doctors were and it all gave me a piece of mind. Overall, my pregnancy gave me anxiety, pain, and to be honest I was frightened. Not all cases have happy endings as I saw during my pregnancy. I will forever be grateful for my experience and my healthy baby, but I don’t ever want to go through a placenta previa pregnancy again.

  1. How serious is placenta previa?  
  2. Will I need to see a specialist? 
  3. What are the different outcomes? 
  4. What symptoms can I expect besides unexpected bleeds? 
  5. Will I have to have a C-section and will it be different than a regular C-section?  
  6. Will I have to deliver early? (Why? What are the risks if I do not deliver early?) 
  7. What are the chances of having previa again in subsequent pregnancies?  
  8. Will you work at helping me keep my uterus, if possible?  
  9. What is posterior or anterior placenta previa? (low lying/marginal/completely) 
  10. Will I have any Travel, exercise, restrictions etc.? 
  11. Is the risk of Postpartum depression higher in those with P.P? 
  12. Am I at risk for Accreta? Or a Hysterectomy? 
  13. How often will I need to get ultrasounds for progress (if any)? 
  14. No bleeding this far, what does that mean? 
  15. What are the chances of the placenta moving? (If cleared, can it come back?) 
  16. What are the risks of premature labor, if any? (What can I expect after delivery?)
  17. What is my Cervical length?  
  18. Why is bleeding caused? 
  19. Are orgasms okay without penetration? 
  20. Do you have a support group or is there a platform for expectant mothers? 

My husband, family, eh some mommy friends, and this incredible Facebook group that I’m a part of helped me out so much! I reached out to this Facebook group as often as I needed. I asked so many questions and did some research. Something that aggravated me the most, which I did mention to both of my doctors was that I’d noticed the lack of information, support or knowledge on the topic. They explained that it just simply wasn’t that common. Well! I was tired of the anecdata. I didn’t want to know old statistics or information from Google. I wanted to know facts! Recent facts! When you’re diagnosed with “possible accreta” causing you to “possibly have a hysterectomy”, not knowing these outcomes can be very concerning. Am I right?

***What should I do if I have bleeding? Please refer with a medical professional or your doctor right away!

What is Placenta Previa?

The condition Placenta Previa is when your baby’s placenta is “partially covering” or “completely covering” your cervix. (Yes, there are different levels of Previa). When women have to deal with Placenta Previa, this isn’t all they’re going to deal with when they’re going through with their pregnancy. The placenta covering the cervix is only the physical part. In my experience, along with many others, this is a devastating condition (mentally, as well). Not for all, but for most. Okay, here is a trigger warning so in case you have suffered dearly from this condition be aware there are some things mentioned that may be a trigger. Beware.

Not to alarm you with what you’re about to read, but it’s the truth: some women, depending on their placental grade and their own health condition; some women have to have a hysterectomy, organ repairs, loss of their baby, there’s a chance of losing too much blood and well, there could be many outcomes. We all want a positive outcome after any pregnancy, of course. Then, there are those individuals where the placenta clears and they can have a perfect delivery (what is a perfect delivery anyway?). Placenta previa, according to the doctors, can be a very common diagnosis (not cool though, right?). Well, for any expectant mother, this is definitely something you never want to hear.  

Here is one example: You and your husband (partner), want to have a baby. You get pregnant. You’re ecstatic. You tell everyone the amazing news. You can’t wait to celebrate and enjoy all the wonderful things pregnancy and motherhood have to offer (Right?). Let me just insert here the many different other cases of parents not mentioned trying to get pregnant or dealing with many other different factors. Anyway, it took my husband and me roughly five months to conceive. My first anxious moment happened as early, at 6 weeks. At such an early time in my pregnancy, everything was a whirlwind. I had what was called a subchorionic hemorrhage. I think it’s also known as “Chorionic hematoma”. And then, what? Well, the incredible “Birth Plan” you think you had has “potentially” gone out the window. Many expectant mothers want to deliver naturally, (eh, maybe not all), but now, that pregnancy’s going to have to be monitored, very closely. (Just Great!) 

Anyhow, back to Placenta Previa. There are several different levels or grades of Previa. Depending on your placental abruption, as your pregnancy progresses, your doctor will keep you up to date on how and when to deliver. I’m not going to get into all those details since I’m not a doctor. The knowledge I have and what I know is all from my personal experience. I do not want to scare you away from this situation as I know what it’s like.

Unfortunately, at this time there is no treatment on how to stop or prevent this condition. (Hey, and if there is, and I don’t know about it, please reach out to me and let me know). In case you don’t know, with placenta previa in a large number of cases, a cesarean is needed to safely deliver the baby. A C-section is needed, because of the placenta being so close or even covering part of your cervix, it’s a problem, because that’s where the baby makes its exit. The cervix is the opening to the birth canal. So, yaaaay! Now you know a little bit about Placenta Previa.  

Note from a wise Doctor

I had the pleasure of having an incredible Maternal-Fetal Medicine doctor right in my city. Before getting into all the questions and concerns, first, I want to share a few words from my doctor, Dr. P (as you’re reading this, yes, it’s a Bosnian accent) 😀

“When you are told that you potentially have placenta previa on a routine sonogram <20 weeks gestation, first thing is NOT to panic. It is a common diagnosis so early in pregnancy because the lower uterine segment where pregnancy is housed is not yet developed, so many times the placenta ONLY appears as previa or low lying placenta. More than 90% of the time, later in pregnancy around 28-30 weeks of gestation, a sonogram will confirm true placental location that will be sufficiently away from the neck of the womb and represents normal findings…

If placenta is truly previa and completely covers neck of the womb (confirmed by the sonogram latter in pregnancy), be aware that vaginal blood spotting or even light bleeding episodes are common. No panic again, as it is self limiting and will resolve over few days to weeks. 

Start to prepare yourself and your family that delivery (once placental previa is confirmed by later sonogram) will be earlier than planned – 2 to 4 weeks earlier than due date because your doctor will desire to deliver your baby before term-labor starts as regular uterine contractions may cause serious vaginal bleeding (by shearing forces of uterine wall contraction movements against placental tissue that does not contract so bleeding occurs at the line of placenta to uterine wall separation) that would necessitates emergency delivery for maternal and fetal sake. 

Many doctors will follow current guidelines created by ACOG (American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology) that advise for earlier delivery, as early as 36 weeks (whole month earlier than due date) to avoid significant bleeding from previa if labor develops. 

Please, do not preoccupy yourself too much about this earlier delivery, as your baby will be sufficiently mature and risk of respiratory complications at and beyond of 36 weeks gestation are small. However, this risk is lesser than risk of significant and serious vaginal bleeding from previa if delivery is postponed and you are in labor. 

Now, once you have diagnosis of placenta previa, many things will be ‘forbidden’ to you and your spouse… You will have to practice ‘pelvic rest’, that is, no sexual intercourse, no vaginal douching or washing, to avoid constipation, to avoid heavy physical exercise or activity – in other words, anything that may potentially increase uterine activity (that is always present at some mild level) and cause vaginal bleeding from placenta previa. Idea behind this is not to make your life miserable, but to reduce or even prevent fearful life episodes (and frequent visits to emergency room or your physician office) associated with vaginal bleeding. 

And finally, everyone will ask themselves, where will be safe to have delivery? 

In many patients with placental previa but no morbidly adherent placenta (also called accreta) suspected, delivery can be managed at your hospital. Though, it also depends on level of your physician self-confidence, and ability of hospital to provide support and ancillary services, almost all hospitals can accommodate delivery of patient with placental previa at and beyond 36 weeks of gestation. 

In rare circumstances, like when placenta previa with accreta is suspected, it would be beneficial to plan delivery at tertiary care center – that is, hospital that have all ancillary services and multitude of doctors of different specialties that could be required during the surgery (e.g. if additional surgical help is needed to repair adjacent organs or special radiological procedures required prior surgery itself).”

Mladen Predanic, MD, MSc, FACOG/ Texas